Loser, that would be me. Last night was going to be a cookout at our house for some of my coworkers. Some, as in just a few- as most of them managed an excuse to get out of it. But that is neither here nor there. So all day we cleaned, Craig mowed, we shopped, we cooked. The beer was chilled, the table was set. It was about 5:00, one hour until people were going to arrive. The only thing left to do was to make the guacamole. So I picked up the avocado half in my palm, and stabbed the knife into the pit…through the pit, through the avocado and its skin, right into the flesh of my hand.
In shock, I yanked out the knife from my hand and stared in disbelief at the blood gushing forth. The only thing that would explain what I did next is sheer panic and my total inability to keep a cool head under pressure. I ran to the sink and held my bloody hand over it, and then turned on water to wash off the blood. Only after Craig heard my screams and came running in did I think to apply pressure, by the time he came back with a washcloth I had passed out. Poor guy, from what he says I went stiff and into convulsions, so he ended up calling 911, scared that I might be having some sort of seizure.
The next thing I knew I was laying on the floor of our kitchen, my hand was throbbing, I was sweating profusely, and there were two strangers starring at me. Barely broke the skin they told me, you will be fine, besides the risk of infection (from all that avocado goo in my skin). Well, after all of this I was feeling pretty weak so Craig had to call everyone and cancel, 20 minutes before people were to come over!! Only later did Craig find the enormous amount of blood in a bowl in the sink from where I stood in shock and let myself bleed.
So now I have a huge swollen hand and fat fingers, a throbbing headache, not to mention the tons of food and beer with no one to eat and drink it. So I guess I will have to reschedule and make all those poor people think up another excuse for why they can’t make it and here I am today at work feeling like just about the biggest loser in the entire world.