Heavy

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At 1:45 am last night our phone rang.

“Good lord, I hope that’s a wrong number..” I told Craig.

It wasn’t.

Despite the many promises of good things to come, this year has been so, so hard. I hate our telephone because it has served up nothing but bad news this year. Heartbreak after tragedy after illness after loss…it just isn’t stopping.

The voice on the phone introduced herself and let me know that our beloved daycare providers husband had died earlier in the evening. I can’t even tell you what our provider and her family has meant to us. Ty had not been working the past year and was a constant presence at the daycare, and Devan’s favorite person ever. He talked about Ty while on vacation and just yesterday requested that Ty carry him to the door- something he did for me frequently. He was a wonderful person and leaves behind a family that is absolutely heartbroken. My mind just can’t seem to grasp what has happened. I spent the rest of last night sobbing, and have been in the bathroom crying here at work throughout the day. Death is hard enough when it is expected, it is nearly unbearable when it is untimely.

These tragedies are not happening to me specifically, but the losses and illness and struggles are weighing heavy on my heart. I feel an unbearable sadness that has really started to grow these past few weeks as the bad news piles up.

I know that time heals all wounds and my that heart will be light again someday but for now I feel like I am muddling through life, waiting for the heartache to ease, and hoping that our phone stops ringing.

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One response »

  1. Sorry to hear that. It doesn't help that your hormones are off the chart as well…I'm not ready nor will I ever be ready for dealing with the loss of friends and family.

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