Perhaps it is pregnancy hormones, or perhaps the craziness of Devan’s current childcare situation, or perhaps the fact that we just wrapped up a FABULOUS weekend of just Devan and Mommy time while Craig was out of town, but I have never felt more guilt about working than I do at this moment. I absolutely love my job, in fact I am passionate about it and it brings me such joy, but I feel so selfish today.
When Devan was at Debbies, I never felt guilt because he is more or less part of their family. He is able to interact with other kids and has a fantastic time, and honestly I’ve felt like it has been the best place for him to be for so many reasons. It took us a long time to find the childcare environment we were looking for, and then we did and it was awesome. It’s a decision we didn’t take lightly, and one that was great for our family. Yes, no guilt over Debbie time. And who can feel any guilt when he is at Grandma’s? Especially when he cried on the way home one day after Craig picked him up- he was devastated he didn’t get to spend the night. Definitely no guilt there. But now that he is in temporary care for three weeks? I hate it. I know he will do fine because he is so easy going, but I feel like a personal failure that I am not providing him stability right now. And maybe it is “only” three weeks, but that is an eternity to me when I feel this awful about it.
Working part time thus far has allowed me the best of both worlds- adult time to pursue my passion and precious days of Devan time to just enjoy my little guy. The decision for us has never come down to money and we have been blessed by that fact. The decision has been solely based on what is best for our little family. But right now, this really doesn’t feel like what is best.