What comes next

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Do I bore you all with more sick posts or switch to a happier topic? I can never decide. I’m pretty down today, though physically feeling slightly better. I guess for the sake of JSS V3 (as my future blog book will be known) I’m going to just fill you in.

We were all up bright and early Monday morning. I was told I could take my pain meds with a light sip of water but unwilling to do anything that would tamper even slightly with my chances of having surgery, I skipped it. I was supposed to wash down the night before and morning of with antibacterial soap and the only thing I could find was hand pump foam soap from Bath and Body Works in a nice Green Tea scent. Not the same as Surgi-cleanse, but I had Craig change all of Leah’s poopy diapers just to be on the safe side.

We went to a surgical center instead of the main hospital and the nurse prepping me for surgery told me that she also has a 3 year old boy, had an ectopic pregnancy and just found out she was pregnant. We swapped stories and it helped take my mind off of the procedure. It was all very different from the last time- which was an emergency surgery and happened in the hospital. I was reliving that awful experience in my mind whenever someone stopped talking to me so thankfully the prep time was short. In case any of you have never had general anesthesia, they give you an i.v. and load it up with relaxants, pain meds, anti anxiety meds, and finally something to help you drift to sleep. I do remember nervously making some lame jokes in the surgical area and then I was out. The surgery last a little over an hour.

I groggily came to and recall requesting ice cream at least twice, which probably means I requested it at least 10 times. I have a tendency to repeat myself and it is usually nonsense. Craig did say one of the first things I expressed to him was my dismay that they wouldn’t not let me have any ice cream. My throat was (and is) incredibly sore from the breathing tube they jammed down there, I’m pretty sure they scraped it up good and I sound terrible. I’m sure that is why I wanted ice cream.

I was able to come home an hour or so later and even though I felt dizzy and nauseated, I never threw up. A neighbor came and sat with me while Craig ran for supplies at Whole Foods and I feel asleep a few times while she talked to me. The pain was such that it hurt to try and turn on the couch, and getting up to use the restroom is excrutiating. They fill your tummy with air to use the scopes and the air finds its way into your diaphragm and results in severe shoulder and chest pain along with the surgical pain. It was disconcerting to say the least, but more bearable than the misery of last week. I was actually able to sleep soundly last night and today am home chilling by myself, kept company by Craig’s laptop and more narcotics. I’m pretty sore again today, on the incision sites and across my entire abdomen. I think I conveniently forgot about this pain and the recovery period, and was planning a return to work on Wednesday. That isn’t going to happen, not unless I can take a 4 hour nap mid-day and work in a reclining position in my sweat pants with a heat pack on my tummy.

And what did they find? Endometriosis. Yet another chronic, debilitating auto-immune linked disorder. Three auto-immune disorders for this one little person. It’s overwhelming. We won’t really know if it is the sole cause of the pain until the surgery pain has subsided in a few weeks. I guess this condition requires long term management with pain killers and hormone therapy in order to have some quality of life. I’m pretty down, no doubt. I feel like I am getting kicked while I’m down, and while my hormones are flying out of control and I’m drugged up on narcotics I’m sitting here questioning all of my life decisions and suffering quite a bit of why me? thoughts. I’m begging for encouragement over the next few months, and that’s not asking for comments- I’m asking for e-mails of funny stories, and phone calls, and maybe a trip out of the house for ice cream. People always ask what they can do and for those that want to know and really want to help- I need encouragement. I know things will get better but from here to there seems like an impossibility.

And did I tell you? All of this finally forced me to wean Leah against my will. I pumped and dumped literally hundreds of ounces while taking all of the different drugs that weren’t compatible with nursing and finally admitted to myself it was all too much. She nursed for the last time on December 23rd, her 6 month birthday. I should be proud of myself for meeting my six month goal but if this wouldn’t have happened I know I could have gone longer. I feel like we were both cheated. It’s just more hormones and emotion on top of what is already a frustrating situation.

So, that’s the honest to goodness scoop. It hasn’t been fun. It’s been horrendous.

Perhaps I should have stuck to a quilting post.

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3 responses »

  1. Endometrious sure beats some of the other bad BAD things that could have been lurking!Sounds like you might need a visitor! I'll see what I can do:)Sorry for the news, but hang in there dear! You have lots of support and that's a good thing.

  2. Babe, I am so sorry. Endometriosis does stink!! But… be thankful you were able to have two beautiful children with Endometriosis. Lots of women with it, cannot. In fact, they suspect that is the reason why I had so much trouble. You are correct it can be very painful. But your situation sounds much more advanced… I am sorry I didn't know about this sooner.

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