First of all, I misspoke a few posts back when I mentioned that endometriosis is an autoimmune disease. It is suspected to be an autoimmune disorder, but that is not fact. It does involve a failure of my immune system so I guess I figure that is close enough. At any rate, I do feel that my immune system is fairly sucky for whatever reason. I really hope that someday some genius discovers what all of this is about and how it all links together because I refuse to believe that I just randomly have this many health problems. In my gut, I feel like there is one thing, one simple thing that isn’t working and causing these problems. Because if that isn’t true, then I am not a very lucky person. (And obviously, I am a lucky person because I took SECOND PLACE in the Yahoo Fantasy Football Pick ’ems. And not just second place out of our group, second place out of every soul on the planet who signed up to play on Yahoo. That is luck.) I suppose this could also be caused by all of the chocolate that I eat. Other than that, I am stumped.
So. I still don’t feel great, I still have the pain. Thankfully, most of the time the pain is much better than before the surgery and I have been able to deal with it as it comes. But it isn’t gone, and quite frankly that is scary to me. It means that either the endometriosis was on a nerve ending and it is still healing or there is more endometriosis in there that was missed and I will need another surgery. Or, perhaps they just happened to find endometriosis and the pain is caused by something else entirely. I don’t like to think about that third option. I have lots of appointments in the coming week and hopefully will have more information and can finally formulate a plan about what comes next. I have to have a plan to feel empowered, not knowing what is coming next has been driving me insane. Though at least I am off of the pain-killers because those literally were making me feel insane, as one too many people can testify.
I have to metion that I am blessed beyond belief to work for the most compassionate and understanding boss on the planet. The past few weeks I have been stressed out, trying to figure out whether I needed to quit my job or not and what that would mean for my career long-term. I’ve been agonizing over it and viewing it as this huge fork in the road, an all or nothing decision. And then my boss encouraged me to just take some time, cut back my hours, get feeling better, see the doctors, form a treatment plan, and come back full steam when I’m ready. She encouraged me not to worry about work, and to focus on healing. It’s such a cliche, but I really did feel a humongous weight lifted off of my shoulders. I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be in this position and I don’t take it for granted. I absolutely LOVE my job, and I am so ready to be back at full speed both physically and mentally. It’s going to happen, in time. Maybe just not as fast as I might like.
There you go, that’s everything. Perhaps more than you wanted to know. But it’s also what I want to remember about this time so I have to write it down. I promise that the blog is going to move on now, I’m definitely behind on my Leah and Devan bragging and I have gobs of pictures just begging to be shared. Who likes to dwell on the negative at any rate? Things are going to get better, I know it.