I’ve rejoined the land of the living, and I’m feeling pretty awesome, all things considered. I can turn my head slightly, feel the top of my ear, and even chewed some real food. Sometimes, it’s the little things. Emotionally, I’m feeling pretty good too. Feeling like there is going to be a morning here soon where I am going to wake up and not be in pain for the first time in MONTHS. And I’m going to have some energy to re-join life, and things are going to be good. And there will not be ANY more bizarre illness in our house in 2012, because that is just the way it’s going to be. (Didn’t work for me last time, but still worth a shot.)
Yesterday, I was feeling sorry for myself and miserable as I plodded down the stairs and grabbed the mail. I returned to bed before I bothered to look through it and the first thing I picked up was a card with an out-of-state postmark. Curious, I opened it and was immediately dumbstruck by a very generous and unexpected gift. (You know who you are!) The kindness and love that we have been surrounded with the past week? It’s pretty amazing. If it weren’t so miserable, I’d have surgery every year just to be able to feel this amazing feeling of knowing so many people love us and care about us. It would be impossible to start the year off in a bad mood, even if I wanted to. We will be busy for a long time repaying all of this kindness, that much I know.
I was already sobbing when I opened the second card. It was from my family in Wichita, and amongst the well wishes from my aunts was something incredibly special my grandmother’s signature. My grandmother Pritz is dying of cancer and it isn’t going to be long now. I haven’t been able to get down to see her because of this tumor mess and it’s been so incredibly frustrating to me. The visit would not be for her sake though, it would have been for me. I know she is surrounded with family and love and is going to be in a better place very soon. The fact that I received a get wall card that she signed for me? I can’t even tell you how special that is. I don’t cry often, really, but I sure cried yesterday. I cried and cried, this has all been very overwhelming.
I was hoping I would be well enough to see her before this point. It wasn’t in the cards, but I know she knows that I love her. I know that we are loved. I know that I am going to heal, and that 2012 will absolutely be so much better than 2011 for us.
It’s all going to be okay.